FEAR OF FAILURE....

We all have heard about this thing known as "fear of failure". Its a very bad thing, u know. It makes u underestimate yourself and not trust your abilities. This leads u to choke at crunch moments. So even if people have faith in you, you yourself dont trust yourself and according to me it is the biggest crime you can commit. NOT TRUST YOURSELF!!! Your attitude becomes cynical and u tend to see only the negative side in all the things. The responsibilities that u can normally handle easily, suddenly become an uphill task for you. Air around ur neck suddenly becomes warmer and u start sweating . Heart beats increase and you start dreading the moment when u will have to take some action or do that job or play the ball or get on the field. It can be anything. And the one thing that resides in your mind is that ," wht if i screw up this thing, wht if i dont do it properly, wht if the whole team fails because of me, " and many such things which you generally dont think of . But these things definitely spring up in your mind once you start doubting your own abilities. So this is it... I dont have any solution for it because i think each one of us has a different way to tackle this problem. We all know our strengths and weaknesses and it all depends on us how well we use our strenghts to hide our weaknesses.  

The most important thing BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF.

ALWAYS REMEMBER....... YOU ARE THE BEST, UNLESS PROVEN OTHERWISE!!!

cheers!!

A STORY.....

Well here is one story that I very close to my heart. It is a bit clichéd and very predictable and may be filmy too but still it is very special for me. It does not have a perfect end. Actually speaking I do not know how it will end. It is a bit blurred and can appear very unclear at places but those who know me very well will understand the story very well. I have given it a happy-ending in this post but I repeat again that I do not know how it should end. May be the readers can have a say by suggesting me the end. But first, here goes the story.

My story does not start with “Once upon a time, long long ago…” just for a simple reason that my story is not based in the past. It goes into the future, some 12-15 years from now. Don’t worry it is neither as bad as LOVESTORY 2050 nor is it inspired from it. This is story of a person named Aditya Patwardhan, his daughter Gayatri and their life.

 Aditya Patwardhan is a very accomplished businessman. He has done his MBA from a very reputed institute in India and now is earning big. He is a good-looking man with a great physique and equally good brains. He is a true sportsperson and has been passionate about all the sports since his childhood. They say, “Behind every successful man, there is a woman” and it is very true in his case. The great heights that he has surmounted in his career have all been due to his excellent upbringing by his mother. He came from a very simple middle class Marathi family and that is the reason behind his simple living even when he earns 30 lakhs a year. He loves all the luxuries and riches and does enjoy them but he is never addicted to them. Apart from his mother, there are four other important people in his life. His cousin sister Radhika, his school buddy Patrick, his business partner Siddhesh and obviously, his wife Harshada. Radhika was his friend first and then a sister, which is why they share, an excellent equation and she just understands him perfectly. She is a PhD holder and is a Principal of a very reputed school in town. Patrick is a perfect catholic guy who plays cricket for the Indian National team and the IPL team MUMBAI INDIANS. He was Aditya’s friend from his school days and they both have been together in thick and thin. Siddesh is his business partner and they both run an Advertising company, which is growing at a rapid pace. His wife Harshada is doctor by profession and is a very lovable wife. She has added a completely new dimension in his life.

Whenever in crisis, Aditya has these four cornerstones on whom he can rely completely to help him and he is sure that he can come out in a winning fashion if he has these four people backing him.

Aditya was always a very good leader from his childhood and these leadership qualities paid dividend when he won the entrepreneur of the year award in his very second year of establishing his company.

In his school and college days, he loved all the extra curricular activites more than the academics. The futile fluttering of textbooks was merely music to his ears. The confines of the classroom never attracted him.

 Aditya and Harshada had a beautiful daughter whom they named Gayatri. The day she was born Aditya knew in his heart and mind that a Champ was born. As she grew up he realized that she had taken the best from her parents. She had the same sportsman spirit and love for sports as her father had and she inherited the dancing genes from her mother. Harshada was a trained kathak dancer. Gayatri started following her footsteps along with playing volleyball. Aditya gave Gayatri the best childhood she could get. He provided everything for her but at the same time made her value everything she had, just the way his mother had brought him up.

Gayatri was a brilliant child and she excelled in both academics and extra curricular activities unlike her father. She loved to play volleyball and she was very good at it. She was the youngest player in her school team and as she grew up, she started playing for the district team also. Aditya had one of the greatest moments of his life when he saw Gayatri play for the district team. Her overall development earned her all rounder of the year award 5 times in a row in her school. The principal of her school always gave Aditya regular updates on Gayatri’s progress. The principal happened to be Aditya’s friend/ sister Radhika. Gayatri knew that fact and she never misused that fact and that was the receipt of the good work done on Gayatri by Aditya and Harshada.

When Gayatri was in the 8^th standard, she was made the school Captain and she also played for the State level. Aditya was beside himself with joy, when he saw his daughter play for Maharashtra or when she led her school to victory in the local competitions. He attended her every match and cheered her team. Some of the other parents used to look at him in surprise when they saw this person in suits jumping with joy on victory. Nevertheless, that is the way Aditya was. He just loved sports. Every weekend Gayatri and Aditya used to practice Volleyball for 45 mins after gayatri returned from her dance classes. After that practice, Aditya used to rush off with his friends to play “the beautiful game”. He never missed the weekend football with friends. It rejuvenated him both physically and mentally.

Two years on, Aditya had the most proud moment of his life when gayatri was selected for the Indian National Team. To add to that she scored 95% in her tenth board exams and also won a reality dance show on TV. That year was full of celebrations for the Patwardhans. Aditya was very happy with his “champ”, Gayatri. Aditya was estatic when he saw Gayatri wearing the Indian Blue with No.7 written at the back. Seven was his favourite number.

Gayatri decided to pursue Arts for her higher studies and Aditya fully supported her decision as he had always done. Her progress continued as before and now she was reaching the peaks in both her dance and volleyball department. She won many dance competitions in her college too. She did very well in her 12^th standard boards too.

Everything was just perfect in their life, Aditya felt.

But he failed to realize that things aren’t the way they appear to be.

One day Gayatri came upto him and said,” dad, can we go out for a walk? I need to talk to u about some thing.” Aditya readily agreed and they went for a walk in the joggers’ park near their house. There Aditya asked Gayatri ,” what happened dear? Anything wrong?”

Gayatri replied,” no dad. Nothing wrong. But, I need to tell u about something that I have decided. Ok. I don’t know how to tell you this and please hear me out fully dad because I know this will hurt u a lot. I will be very frank because I know u will appreciate me being frank. Dad, I do not wish to pursue volleyball any further. I want to become a choreographer and I cannot do both the things at the same time. The time has now come for me to choose one. I know that the sports culture in India has improved and I can make a good career in volleyball but that is not something I want to do for a living. I want to be a choreographer and I want to be the best choreographer in India. For that, I have to give up volleyball. I know this will hurt u a lot because my volleyball means a lot to u and u would love to see me go further ahead in that field but then , dad, that is not what I want to do. I hope u understand me. I know you will. I am sorry dad but this is what I have decided.”

Aditya was very hurt by the decision of hers but he didn’t show it on his face. He could see his beautiful dreams and all the plans that he had for her come crashing down. But, he didn’t show any of these emotions on his face. Just when he was about to respond to her, Gayatri interrupted,” oh ya and one more thing dad. I always wanted to ask u this but I never got the courage to do so. Now I feel I should. I never really understood how my success made u so very happy. I know that as a parent u would be happy and u love sports but still there is a different sparkle in your eyes whenever you see me winning. Mom also is happy but ur happiness is very different. What is it dad? I never understood it. Please tell me.”

At this moment Aditya was reassured of his words-“ the champ was born”. He knew it was time to tell her everything that was in his mind for all these day. The dream. The plans. Everything.

He started, “ok gayatri, here goes. Firstly, I very well understand your decision and I fully support it. U don’t have to say sorry. I understand that multi-tasking is difficult and I don’t want u to be a jack of all trades as your father was. Don’t look surprised dear. I am now going to answer your last question. U ask me about the sparkle in my eye, the passion that I have, alrite then. Listen to this. U know as a child I always wanted to be a sportsperson but somehow I couldn’t manage to. I always wanted to play for the district teams, the college teams or even the school teams. But I couldn’t. Not that I was bad. I was good but it was the best that was required and I couldn’t match up to the best. I always wanted to be a hero of the team, a captain or someone who wins the match at the last minute. That moment of glory. U understand me, don’t u? Its not that I didn’t achieve anything. I did achieve a lot. But then my dream was always incomplete. Until u came into my life. U were “THE CHAMP”. U showed me the real picture of everything that I dreamed or I hoped to be. And I am very grateful to you for that. U know when u were the school captain. I always wanted to be the school or college captain because I am a very good leader. So I knew that I can make a good captain or coach. But I couldn’t even play for the team, forget captaincy or coaching. Today I am so very successful in business but that is something that I have chosen as a career. It is not something that I dreamt of. You completed my dream. I was living my dream through you. I know this parasitic behaviour of mine was very wrong but that was all I could do. And I never forced you for anything. So I should not be very hard on myself. But I will again say this, “ thank you for showing me such great memories that I will cherish forever”. And ya I do support your decision of being a choreographer. May you become a more famous choreographer than Farah Khan and then make movies also… but not like her haan. And yaa don’t take that git SRK in your movies. J .”

Aditya heaved a huge sigh and Gayatri hugged him saying, “no need to say thank you dad. It was as much of your dream as it was mine. Let’s go home now. I have a surprise for u. I knew everything that you just said; it was just that I wanted to hear it from your mouth. And ya you will always be a HERO for me. Never say that you could never be a hero. U made a champion out of me. U are one gem of a coach. Let’s go home now.”

 

As they walked back home aditya wondered what her daughter was up to next now. When he entered home he had Harshada , Radhika, Siddhesh and Patrick all there to welcome him home. They all knew about what had happened between him and Gayatri as she had rehearsed what she was going to say 14 times before them and all four of them predicted Aditya’s replies, which happened to be the same. J.

So this is the story till here. After this what happens I don’t know. But still I have an ending in my mind. Radhika offers Aditya a post for the coach of her school Football team that he readily accepts and does that job very efficiently along with the big business that he runs. He also attends every match of Mumbai Indians as his company if their publicity partner and his best friend plays for them. He never missed a single match. He runs his company in weekdays and coaches the school kids on weekends. Thus continuing to live his dream through the kids. 

The reason why this story is close to me is that I also feel that whatever passion we have we must somehow keep it alive in some form or the other no matter where we are or what we do…… Just try to Live Your Dream…… some way or the other!!!!

A FEELING

Now if its my blog then there surely has to be a post on ENTHUSIA. So here it goes…

Enthusia…. The time of the year which brings me the most joy and transforms me into something different. It is the annual sports fest of VJTI. As I just love sports and am passionate about any institution or team that I represent, enthusia is the time which brings a lot of joy and excitement for me. In my first year I had worked as a reporter for our daily newsletter and played a few games namely football and basketball. That year my department, electrical dept, had performed decently well but still we finished in the 5^th place which came as a shock for me coz I thought we should have finished in a better position. So I met our department head and asked him wht went wrong. He told me that our department did very well in the boy’s sports but we lost out on the girl’s events, which was very true as I didn’t see any of the electrical girls go on the stage to collect any award. It was in that year only that I decided that I will be the department head for our department next year. 

The duty of department head involves the job of getting all the selections for the teams done, making sure that the teams report on the venue , etc etc  in short “bahut katkat kaa kaam reheta hai “ was wht my GS told me when I told him that I want to be the DH. He had offered me other posts like sponsorship manager or infra …. But I told him that I wanted to do this thing only.. so it was done then . I did work as a Publicity manager but also did the work of a Department Head.

 

So the first and the foremost thing that I had to do was get all the girls teams together. And I thank god that I got a very good batch of juniors where in there were many good athletes. Girls and boys both. So there was no question of boys team for any event. Now the girls from the first year were very enthusiastic about the whole thing…. And they were very co-operative. They practiced and practiced and practiced. It took a lot to convince them. Few of them used to get mood swings and used to complain sumtimes ( I am referring to some one with maggi noodles like hair… hehehehehe ….. just joking haan.. lol) … But no…. seriously on a serious note all of them, each and every one …. I can still name them all……. All of them contributed like hell. Some got hurt but the spirit never died… 

And so it was done ….. the trical girls team for almost all the sports consisted of the same set of players.. majorly the players were the same. And we did very well in team games.. won the KHO KHO gold with easy where in monica was just jogging her way to victory in kho kho.  The matches were highly one sided…. ( monica  is a national level kho kho player :D). We lost in the semis of basketball girls match but we had won the physical battle there [:D]…. Beat them…. Hehehe… and in the individual athletics…  welll I need not say anything… it was just electrical all the way… all we had to do is tell nikita and monica to runnn…. And we had medals… hehe.. 

The boys teams also performed well. Readers should not get an impression that boys team were not paid attention. The thing is in boys events there are fixed champions. Some teams are just toooo good to beat. And trical boys teams are well up with the best.

 

So the entire December and January I worked like hell as a DH and the results showed. Our department was undoubtedly the best after IT who finished 1^st . But when the result cam out the tronics dept had just finished ahead of us. I  didn’t understand how because we were ahead of them till the last day. But then we all know that things can change in a day… so lets leave that. We finished in the third place, which was a biiig achievement. When Jasleen announced that trical dept had finished in the third place at that time all of us who were there erupted with joy and I was happy beyond words.

Finally in my life I got a feeling that I had achieved something. We went up the stage and I received the trophy. Funny thing was tht no one stopped me from doing it. I guess I had contributed in some way. J . when I got the trophy we all danced on stage and the feeling was exactly the same as the feeling which steven gerrard got when he lifted the champions trophy in Istanbul in 2005, when Iker Casillas lifted the euro 2008 trophy , and so on….. now whenever I see such and occasion I can relate to what they must be feeling because I myself have had that feeling of lifting a trophy and feeling on the top of the world. It is such a feeling which cannot be described.. u have to experience it … and for that u have to play some group game or any sport for that matter coz this feeling can come only through sports. Even if u get 99.99 percentile in cat or a perfect 10 pointer…. U wont be able to relate to this feeling…. Its just specially related with sports and u have to experience it to know wht it is.

 

I would once again thank all the athletes who played in enthusia 08 and who gave me the chance to experience this wonderful feeling. 

My weight reduced from 72 to 65 in that one month…… but every gram was worth it!!!!!!

TO SMILE OR NOT TO SMILE... THAT IS THE QUESTION.

al rite ... so finally i am blogging.... and to start of with i am writing this small experience that i had 3 days back.... i am sure u all can relate to this...

it was a wednesday afternoon.....i surprisingly had written the SP paper pretty well courtesy Prathamesh and Swami.... we all had made the same mistake though... but still 15 marks attempt out of 20 was not bad. So we were all going back home... When we walk back from college our BIG group walks in small small groups... so that we dont hinder the traffic... lolz. so it was me Siddhi and Ameya who were walking at the front.. and we were just having a chat about how ameya was feeling bad tht his car was sold... The Afternoon batch of students was coming to college... and there were many familiar faces amongst them..... but one girl was coming alone... she is a very famous girl in our college... ( and famous for both right & wrong reasons.....) so she walking and she had this smuggish smile on her face.... now i am pretty good at face reading..... i am...... i am not boasting... 

so  the look on her face was tht she was slightly smiling ..... as in it was not a convincing smile nor was it a rude look.... but what was going in her mind was this..... at least i think soo

" hey... these are students from my college....hmmmmm i am sure they must be knowing me... oh.. yaa  of course... why wldnt they.... half of them have interacted with me.... but they are not like gr8 frnds yaaar.... so should i smile or show tht i recognise them.... ummmmm no.... why should i do tht.... they are supposed to know me.... so they should smile first... or atleast show some sign of recognition....... haaan... i will do one thing...... i will have this small smile on my face..... so let them take the initiative and then i will smile back..... as it is i dont have company today .... and even the car was not available.... its soo boring to walk alone.... and tht tooo meeee... i am walking alone......chuck it.... i have a paper to attend.... oh  here they come..."

well this is my analysis.... so when all tht was going through her mind.... she had the same smug smile ,i mentioned before, on her face.. now i had personally interacted with her once or twice and so had ameya.... siddhi hadnt... and all of us were in our own world.... so didnt bother taking notice of her.... but i am sure hardik or someone else from the lot who was walking back must've fulfilled her wish that some one takes a note of her.... hardik is a nice guy.... he will smile at everyone he knows.. hehe ( mihir mimicks that very well...)...

ya so this happens to all of us many times...... say if u know someone and u wave out to him/her... and if he or she is not paying attention the it appears as if u r just waving in air.... or it appears as if the other person is not giving u any bhaaav.... hehe... and this is true if tht person is just an acquaintance... and we guys suffer the most if that acquaintance is a very good looking girl...  u wave out to her and she is not looking in ur direction.... then ur gone.... ur frnds will taunt u like hell... hehe... 

so whenever i see such lovely acquaintance.... i dont jump the gun and smile or wave straight away.... i first make sure tht the girl is looking at me and showing me some sign of recognition.. and then smile or wave..... because finally the question arises..... to smile or not to smile.... heheheee 

plz do post ur comments... i know my blog is very raw and i lack finishing touch.... ur comments are most welcome... :)